You know what doesn't stop, even for a moment, no matter how icky you feel? Life. Nope... not for one minute. I've not felt the greatest today, not because I'm sick, because mother nature has a humorous side when it comes to women and what they must endure every month.
Earlier this morning, I retrieved my mother's heating pad and thought I would be able to lay down with it for an hour or so, thinking that may help a bit. Then loaded myself up with some liquid gel Aleeve's (which are the BOMB by the way). But between the wound care nurse coming and then an hour later the physical therapist coming.... and then I had to prepare lunch for Mom, I've not been able to actually USE this heating pad. It is now a little after 3pm and I'm going to lay down for at least an hour with this thing. I then have to get up and make a trip to Target for a few items, and since I adore Target, maybe it won't seem to be such a chore!!
During my morning of 'ugh', Henry has been incredibly sweet. He even sent me the following...
"Dearest heart, my only regret is that I am not next to you at this very moment, holding you and sharing your pain. (I promise you my kiss would soothe you more than mom's heating pad and a double dose of Advil liqui-gels!) Henry"
Now tell me, who wouldn't melt with that? He also sent me this...
"As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is my destiny and the meaning of my life. -Napoleon Bonaparte Feel better my love. Henry"
Even though I feel like I've been hit by a firetruck, he makes me smile from the inside out. And when I was feeling a little bit down this morning, after talking to Henry, I felt better. He always makes me feel better. Just knowing I've got someone by my side. Holding my hand. Keeping me safe.
This is life, and again, it's not going to stop for a moment! And as long as I've got those I love beside me, I wouldn't dare ask it to.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Dr. Cindy?
I think I live in a never ending infirmary and I'm the doctor, nurse, psychologist, opthamologist, veterinarian, and general booboo fixer.
Tonight alone, I've bathed my Mom. Changed, cleaned, and packed the incision on Mom's belly. Administered all of her medications at the times they were supposed to be given. And rubbed her dry skin with lotion.
For my Daddy, he has new eye drops that he can't seem to put in on his own. So... drop away I did.
And for 2 of the 3 dogs, we're pretty sure they are trying to get ear infections. There has been a lot head shaking and ear scratching from these puppies. So, I locked them in the bathroom with me and proceeded to wash out and clean their ears with some peroxide. Then put some ear drops in to help calm and soothe the shaking and scratching.
I now sit in my room and can only shake my own head. My cell phone just rang and it was my mother, she wanted to say goodnight to me and tell me she loves me. And right before she hung up, she says to me, "Thank you for all of it Cindy, you're a good girl and I love you!" That sentence alone makes all I do for my family worth while. Yes, it's stressful. Yes, sometimes I'm completely overwhelmed. Yes, a lot of times I'm tired and exhausted. But this is what my parents need right now, and I love them. I'm glad that I'm able to do this for them.
Tonight alone, I've bathed my Mom. Changed, cleaned, and packed the incision on Mom's belly. Administered all of her medications at the times they were supposed to be given. And rubbed her dry skin with lotion.
For my Daddy, he has new eye drops that he can't seem to put in on his own. So... drop away I did.
And for 2 of the 3 dogs, we're pretty sure they are trying to get ear infections. There has been a lot head shaking and ear scratching from these puppies. So, I locked them in the bathroom with me and proceeded to wash out and clean their ears with some peroxide. Then put some ear drops in to help calm and soothe the shaking and scratching.
I now sit in my room and can only shake my own head. My cell phone just rang and it was my mother, she wanted to say goodnight to me and tell me she loves me. And right before she hung up, she says to me, "Thank you for all of it Cindy, you're a good girl and I love you!" That sentence alone makes all I do for my family worth while. Yes, it's stressful. Yes, sometimes I'm completely overwhelmed. Yes, a lot of times I'm tired and exhausted. But this is what my parents need right now, and I love them. I'm glad that I'm able to do this for them.
Minus One...
"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you." ~Winnie the Pooh
Ramblings of the morning...
Do you know what I find to be extremely frustrating? The fact that I have a ton of ideas and information floating about in my head, yet I cannot get any of it out and on paper that makes any sense.
I want to be profound and thought provoking. I want to seem witty and completely charming. But here I sit. In front of this computer... blank.
I had a delightful Girls Night with friends. We cooked and laughed and shared a bit of gossip. We all talked of our futures. They listened to me swoon over Henry and how much in love I am with him. We talked of children (theirs and the ones most of them teach) and pets. It was a nice get a way evening for just girls and I really needed that.
Today is Martin Luther King, Jr day and a lot of 'normal' people are off work for that. Sometimes I wonder if people even realize WHY they are off work. I think it should be mandatory for everyone to read a bit of his speeches. Actually take in the words this man said. He had a lot of vision for this country and for the people in it. I'm sure there are a lot of things he would be proud of today, but in the same token, there are other things he would be ashamed to see. To me, what it boils down to is this..... Be kind to each other because you really do not know what the other person has had to endure to be in this place at this time. And always always always share your smile, it's free and probably the best gift you can give anyone.
I have several things I'm looking forward to. Starting with this week, I get to meet Henry's parents. He tells me they are going to adore me, but that doesn't make me any less nervous. It's a healthy nervous. I just want his parents to know how much I care and love him. And that I would do anything in my power to keep him happy. What I really would like to say to them is, thank you. Thank you for raising such an incredible man.
I got to meet Quint, Henry's 13 year old son, last week for lunch. It went well and he is such a sweet young man. I cannot wait to do more things with him and learn more about him.
You know, with my mother being so sick the past couple of months I've not had time to really do any thinking about things for me. But I'll tell you this. For some reason, and it must have been the girls night that did it, I really miss my best friend Virna today. I miss her everyday, but today seems stronger. I guess between being stressed about Mom and my Dad for that matter, and falling in love with Henry, I've not been able to share with her a lot of my feeling about all of this because she is still in Florida. It's not the same via text messages. We rarely speak on the phone because her schedule is so different, and for a while I was mostly up at night. And she is soooo not a night person. So we rely on texting and emailing a lot. I learned from facebook today that she doesn't feel well, but is still at work, so I'll try to get in touch with her sometime this week. *sigh*
Well, I'm going to go prepare something for lunch for my mother and hope she eats it. We'll see. Her wound care nurse should be out this afternoon, and finally after being home over a week, we've got physical therapy and occupational therapy coming out this week. YAY!
I want to be profound and thought provoking. I want to seem witty and completely charming. But here I sit. In front of this computer... blank.
I had a delightful Girls Night with friends. We cooked and laughed and shared a bit of gossip. We all talked of our futures. They listened to me swoon over Henry and how much in love I am with him. We talked of children (theirs and the ones most of them teach) and pets. It was a nice get a way evening for just girls and I really needed that.
Today is Martin Luther King, Jr day and a lot of 'normal' people are off work for that. Sometimes I wonder if people even realize WHY they are off work. I think it should be mandatory for everyone to read a bit of his speeches. Actually take in the words this man said. He had a lot of vision for this country and for the people in it. I'm sure there are a lot of things he would be proud of today, but in the same token, there are other things he would be ashamed to see. To me, what it boils down to is this..... Be kind to each other because you really do not know what the other person has had to endure to be in this place at this time. And always always always share your smile, it's free and probably the best gift you can give anyone.
I have several things I'm looking forward to. Starting with this week, I get to meet Henry's parents. He tells me they are going to adore me, but that doesn't make me any less nervous. It's a healthy nervous. I just want his parents to know how much I care and love him. And that I would do anything in my power to keep him happy. What I really would like to say to them is, thank you. Thank you for raising such an incredible man.
I got to meet Quint, Henry's 13 year old son, last week for lunch. It went well and he is such a sweet young man. I cannot wait to do more things with him and learn more about him.
You know, with my mother being so sick the past couple of months I've not had time to really do any thinking about things for me. But I'll tell you this. For some reason, and it must have been the girls night that did it, I really miss my best friend Virna today. I miss her everyday, but today seems stronger. I guess between being stressed about Mom and my Dad for that matter, and falling in love with Henry, I've not been able to share with her a lot of my feeling about all of this because she is still in Florida. It's not the same via text messages. We rarely speak on the phone because her schedule is so different, and for a while I was mostly up at night. And she is soooo not a night person. So we rely on texting and emailing a lot. I learned from facebook today that she doesn't feel well, but is still at work, so I'll try to get in touch with her sometime this week. *sigh*
Well, I'm going to go prepare something for lunch for my mother and hope she eats it. We'll see. Her wound care nurse should be out this afternoon, and finally after being home over a week, we've got physical therapy and occupational therapy coming out this week. YAY!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Connections
I believe we walk around this planet and find our way to those that connect to us. It starts with our connection as children. We find friends that we bond with, and some of those bonds last a lifetime.
I have been lucky enough to have a couple of those bonds. I have some friends that I have recently reconnected with that I have known since grade school. And just because we haven't been in each others lives in years, once we started talking, it was like we had never been apart.
I have also had the good fortune to have returned to the lives of several friends from high school. It's amazing that some bonds never get broken, no matter what has happened in our lives, what paths we have all chosen, we are still part of each others inner circle. We still care and we will always be there. And our connection with each of us will never be broken.
As adults I have found it more difficult to connect with people at times. I know the instant I meet someone if I will have a connection with them or not. Once and a while, it surprises me who I bond with or who I connect with, but that is what makes life so interesting. And it certainly makes life a lot of fun!!
I had a long discussion with a friend I have only had in my life for about 3 years the other night and we were talking about this very subject. We understand that some connections are going to be stronger than others, some bonds will never be broken. The moment we met, we knew we would be lifelong friends. We would always be able to count on one another. There was an immediate connection, and we both knew it.
I have a bond with my best friend. There are no judgements, there is just understanding and compassion. There is laughter and fits of pure joy. This, I am blessed to have, this connection is rare and I cherish it and I thank God for it every day!
Then there are connections that really make you stop and think. Connections with people you thought you would never have. When someone can connect with you on such a level that even you don't understand. When someone can understand you, can understand what is going through your head and your heart... that is the connection we all look for. Most never find it. but if you are lucky enough to locate it, embrace it. No matter what obstacles lay before you, you have to acknowledge it and you h ave to let it in. You have to accept that God has placed someone in your life for a reason. It may not make any sense, and it may confuse the living hell out of you, but that is okay. Having someone completely turn your life upside down can be a wonderful thing. It's a connection, a bond, and it will be a bond that will never be broken.
I will always be on the look out for new connections, but I will always hold close to my heart those that have already been made. I pray that they will remain strong and I give thanks for them every night as I rest my head.
I have been lucky enough to have a couple of those bonds. I have some friends that I have recently reconnected with that I have known since grade school. And just because we haven't been in each others lives in years, once we started talking, it was like we had never been apart.
I have also had the good fortune to have returned to the lives of several friends from high school. It's amazing that some bonds never get broken, no matter what has happened in our lives, what paths we have all chosen, we are still part of each others inner circle. We still care and we will always be there. And our connection with each of us will never be broken.
As adults I have found it more difficult to connect with people at times. I know the instant I meet someone if I will have a connection with them or not. Once and a while, it surprises me who I bond with or who I connect with, but that is what makes life so interesting. And it certainly makes life a lot of fun!!
I had a long discussion with a friend I have only had in my life for about 3 years the other night and we were talking about this very subject. We understand that some connections are going to be stronger than others, some bonds will never be broken. The moment we met, we knew we would be lifelong friends. We would always be able to count on one another. There was an immediate connection, and we both knew it.
I have a bond with my best friend. There are no judgements, there is just understanding and compassion. There is laughter and fits of pure joy. This, I am blessed to have, this connection is rare and I cherish it and I thank God for it every day!
Then there are connections that really make you stop and think. Connections with people you thought you would never have. When someone can connect with you on such a level that even you don't understand. When someone can understand you, can understand what is going through your head and your heart... that is the connection we all look for. Most never find it. but if you are lucky enough to locate it, embrace it. No matter what obstacles lay before you, you have to acknowledge it and you h ave to let it in. You have to accept that God has placed someone in your life for a reason. It may not make any sense, and it may confuse the living hell out of you, but that is okay. Having someone completely turn your life upside down can be a wonderful thing. It's a connection, a bond, and it will be a bond that will never be broken.
I will always be on the look out for new connections, but I will always hold close to my heart those that have already been made. I pray that they will remain strong and I give thanks for them every night as I rest my head.
The Score of my Heart
Have you ever been so touched by something someone has done for you it makes your heart swell so much you think it may burst through your chest cavity? This has happened to me recently. Several times, actually, but one in particular kind act has completely melted my heart.
During a very early on conversation with Henry, whilst I was drinking my nightly Mint Medley tea on a break from my mothers hospital room, our conversation went to music. I was explaining to him how much I enjoyed movie scores. He asked about my favorite score, to which I replied Thomas Newman's Fried Green Tomatoes. I explained how I had once owned it, but had lost the CD years ago. I told him about how I still have the CD case, but no CD. This particular score has been out of print for several years and has been quite difficult to chase down. Even though this part of our conversation was brief, Henry stored this information. We continued our chatter for a bit, but with it becoming late we said our good-byes and I promised to get online via web cam to say good night before turning in.
When I got settled I turned the web cam on and had yahoo chat up to say good night. As Henry watched me he typed to me that after we had hung up and I was back on my way to my mother's room, he had found and purchased (online) the score to Fried Green Tomatoes. I was shocked. And impressed. He brought tears to my eyes in that one gesture of listening and remembering something that I loved. He knew that it would make me happy to have a copy of this CD. He made me smile. I wanted to crawl through the web cam to hug him so badly. I went to bed with that smile planted firmly on my face and the warmest feeling in my heart.
Tonight Henry gave me that CD. There was no pomp and circumstance, he merely handed me the CD. I don't think he realized how full my heart was at that moment. I'm not even sure he understands how much it means to me that he took the time and the money to get me that CD. I'm admittedly not the best at showing gratitude in the moment, as it's foreign to have people do such incredibly sweet things to or for me. I'm not always sure how to react or behave. I took the CD and placed it in my purse. But I will have you know, I felt loved. I felt cared about. And I really felt like jumping up and down and yelling, "YEAAAA!!!!!" because I was so happy.
I will fall asleep shortly with this score in my ear, a smile on my face, comfort in my soul, and love in my heart.
During a very early on conversation with Henry, whilst I was drinking my nightly Mint Medley tea on a break from my mothers hospital room, our conversation went to music. I was explaining to him how much I enjoyed movie scores. He asked about my favorite score, to which I replied Thomas Newman's Fried Green Tomatoes. I explained how I had once owned it, but had lost the CD years ago. I told him about how I still have the CD case, but no CD. This particular score has been out of print for several years and has been quite difficult to chase down. Even though this part of our conversation was brief, Henry stored this information. We continued our chatter for a bit, but with it becoming late we said our good-byes and I promised to get online via web cam to say good night before turning in.
When I got settled I turned the web cam on and had yahoo chat up to say good night. As Henry watched me he typed to me that after we had hung up and I was back on my way to my mother's room, he had found and purchased (online) the score to Fried Green Tomatoes. I was shocked. And impressed. He brought tears to my eyes in that one gesture of listening and remembering something that I loved. He knew that it would make me happy to have a copy of this CD. He made me smile. I wanted to crawl through the web cam to hug him so badly. I went to bed with that smile planted firmly on my face and the warmest feeling in my heart.
Tonight Henry gave me that CD. There was no pomp and circumstance, he merely handed me the CD. I don't think he realized how full my heart was at that moment. I'm not even sure he understands how much it means to me that he took the time and the money to get me that CD. I'm admittedly not the best at showing gratitude in the moment, as it's foreign to have people do such incredibly sweet things to or for me. I'm not always sure how to react or behave. I took the CD and placed it in my purse. But I will have you know, I felt loved. I felt cared about. And I really felt like jumping up and down and yelling, "YEAAAA!!!!!" because I was so happy.
I will fall asleep shortly with this score in my ear, a smile on my face, comfort in my soul, and love in my heart.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
2011
Not having 'blogged' since 2008, I feel like I should explain. However, I have no explanation. I have no excuse. Life has happened. A lot of life to be exact.
I've had happy things and sad things occur.
I've have boring things and funny things.
I've experienced extreme lows and joyous highs.
Since it is officially after midnight, it is now Jan 16, 2011. So far this year, I got to bring my mother home from the hospital after 49 grueling and sometimes heart wrenching days.
I've also fallen in love. After tripping and sometimes just dancing around the edges of it, I'm head over heels smitten.
This is going to be a good year. I'm going to have a good life. And.... I'm going to blog all about it!
I've had happy things and sad things occur.
I've have boring things and funny things.
I've experienced extreme lows and joyous highs.
Since it is officially after midnight, it is now Jan 16, 2011. So far this year, I got to bring my mother home from the hospital after 49 grueling and sometimes heart wrenching days.
I've also fallen in love. After tripping and sometimes just dancing around the edges of it, I'm head over heels smitten.
This is going to be a good year. I'm going to have a good life. And.... I'm going to blog all about it!
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