Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sleepless nights time and time again!!!


Sleeping doesn’t come easy for me. EVER. Since the time I was in jr high this has been a complete and TERRIBLE event. Just the words, “Goin’ to bed! G’nite” just makes me roll my eyes.

I admire those that are able to get into bed, close their eyes and WHAMMO…..they are asleep. How the FUCK do I get into club?

Last night was a struggle for me….AGAIN….and I am just sick and tired of not being able to fall asleep.

I have done all my homework on the subject of sleep. I have done the ‘extra’s’ one should do to prepare for sleep. From making myself go to bed earlier, not eating after 7pm, NO caffeine …EVER, listening to calming sounds while trying to sleep, and good ole fashioned drugs…ambien to be exact. (Lunesta didn’t do CRAP for me!). My most recent attempt was getting a consult with an herbalist. She was very sweet and really knew her stuff. I got some teas, and some herbal pills that are supposed to naturally help your system fall into sleep. Now then, the stuff she suggested I use for stress, really works! There are these drops you put under your tongue and they really do calm anxiety. But, once again, I have struck out on the ‘cure all’ to my sleep problem.

I have completely changed my eating habits since the new year. I am trying to become more healthy. I thought that by doing that, it would help a little. And it HASN’T!! I just sometimes want to scream as loud as possible until I haven’t the energy to go and I just pass out! Lol!!! One can dream, I suppose!

Tonight, I have taken an ambien. I caved. I need sleep and I need help getting there.


If there are thoughts anyone that read this have, please share with me!!! I would be so happy to hear anything new!!!!

Tata for the night!!!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

RE-Discovery

I have thought time and time again to start a blog of my very own. And as fate would have it, a friend whom I adore, wanted to share her blog with me. By doing that, I discovered that I ALREADY signed up to have one!

So, today I have posted a few poems I have written. I hope those that I invite to join me, enjoy them and leave me a few of their comments on them. I will try to be a little bit more faithful in writting close to daily.

No Day but Today

Spinning and spinning
Up and down,
‘round and ‘round

Faster and slower
Heart beats on

Memories jumbled
Thoughts clouded

What is real?
What is true?

Anger within
Words come out

Centered self?
Finding it hard

No day
But today

Life is there
Opening to see

Standing strong
Weakens the knees

Smile on my face
Tears in my heart

World will not stop
It shall move on

Eyes dry
Do not know why

No day
But today

Always Right Here

Butterflies all a flutter
Reality better than dreams

It wraps around you
Like a comfortable blanket

Just a thought in your head
Can bring a smile to your lips

To hear their voice in a whisper
Will send shivers along your spine

The lingering perfume upon the pillow
Surrounds you and calms you

Knowing that forever
Isn’t that out of reach

Letting yourself be open
Letting yourself be free

A look from their eyes
Tells you all there is to know

Even if they are across the room
You are always right by their side

Through hard times and sad times
In joy and in bliss

Love is within your palm
So reach for her hand

A loving touch
A gentle squeeze

Tells your soul and your heart
That this love is always right here

Embrace the Unknown

Embrace the Unknown


I am a phantom in my own shadow
Peering from within I can see myself

I want to run towards something new
I wish to embrace the unknown

My soul is open to endless thoughts
My heart beats to its own rhythm

A yearning for a touch of excitement
The need for a sound of familiar

The warmth of another
Pressed firmly upon my breast

The comfort of a breath
Nestled sweetly at the nape of my neck

Yes, I will run to something new
And yes, I will embrace the unknown